Astrology without the virus 😷

We're alone in the universe 👽

Forget it, Jake. It’s Coronatown. 💦

I am sick of the virus, even if I haven’t been sickened by it yet. (Maybe I have, though.)

Meanwhile, every night in my dreams (hello, Celine Dion), I travel to places I cannot go. In my precious p.m. slumber, I’ve been to Europe (Florence and some little town in Belgium), Austin, Texas, and somewhere in upstate New York (I think Hudson).

Celine Dion GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

This is probably because I can’t go anywhere in real life. Luckily, I’m always tired now, so I can spend more time exploring the world in my sleep.

I’m tired because, like all of us, I have more work to do than I used to.

  • If you’re sick—with the virus, with something else, with both, etc.—everything is harder now because you require more care from institutions that are even less able to provide it.

  • If you have lost work and income, your waking moments have been injected with the stress of surviving impossible circumstances.

  • If you’ve kept your job, that job is probably harder now. This is quadruply true for essential workers.

  • Now we have to clean ourselves and our environs constantly, and the payment for this additional labor is a diminished probability that we will contract and transmit the virus.

  • If we’re healthy enough and able to work out, we have to do that a lot now to stave off atrophy because unfortunately plague dread doesn’t give you muscles (but it should).

  • And we’re all experiencing an acute case of communal grief, but without any physical community, or even a society that facilitates community.

It’s hard and sad to realize in such a violent way that there is no such thing as your self-interest vs. my self-interest when it comes to public health. Whether or not we want to be, we are at war as a species, and we either fight together or die. We are simply bodies, and that’s a factual reality we cannot escape. Some people will be better off than others—and this pandemic has exposed the basic inequalities of our society as plainly as anything could. It’s not, as some have said, an equal-opportunity pathogen. But we are all vulnerable, and we are all not okay right now.


Jupiter and Pluto are not social distancing 😡

From an astrological standpoint, this is too obvious. Yesterday on the 4th, Jupiter, planet of expansion, met with Pluto, planet of death, and I don’t think I need to spell out what that happens when you put “expansion” and “death” together. Like, give me something to interpret. It’s literally an equation for a global pandemic. And while this aspect peaked yesterday, these two planets are going to be hanging out in close quarters—not even 6 feet apart, probably—in Capricorn for a long time. Like, all year.

Jessica Lanyadoo, astrologer and author, has a good briefing on what this all means, and how it necessitates a revolution. Pluto by itself doesn’t signify revolution (that’s Uranus’ gig), but it does expose the deep social rot that makes it inevitable.

It’s not illogical to be optimistic about how we may progress from here, but right now, we’re mired in shit, and it’s natural to feel hopeless and overwhelmed by it. (But Jessica makes me feel a little better!)

Jupiter will form an exact conjunction to Pluto in Capricorn (♃☌♇♑︎) on April 4th, and again in June and November. This is a transit that can bring about revolution. In this season of ‘change or be changed’, who will you choose be?
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This is an excerpt from this week’s horoscope on episode 94 of my weekly astrology & advice podcast, @ghostofapodcast. Listen to the whole ep + horoscope anywhere podcasts are heard. Link always in bio 💜.
April 4, 2020

Back when I was an idiot 🤡

Now that we better understand how easily this virus can spread among the asymptomatic, I realize that I unknowingly engaged in extremely risky behavior in February and early March.

I had no idea.

  • I did a dating show, and I lost (emotionally risky)

  • I paid for a happy ending massage

  • I went to Zurich, Switzerland

  • I went to Austin, Texas

Also, in late February I was sick for weeks with a horrible cough. Did I have it? Probably, maybe. Anyway, I’m sorry.


Horoscopes without the virus 🌱

I’m going to write the following horoscopes as if we have not been savaged by a viral plague and criminally negligent leadership.

All times are Eastern, and all time is meaningless.

Monday 4/6

  • This is an incredibly productive day. The moon is getting along with taskmaster Saturn, Energizer bunny Mars, loquacious Mercury, and money-loving Venus. Talk to people, get in their faces, convince them of your worth. If you were going to ask for a raise or interview for your dream job, do it on this day.

  • Wait. The moon is void of course (out of commission and essentially retrograde) until it enters Libra at 5:16 p.m. So… basically, if you had plans in place, I guess leave them there and let those sparkly aspects buoy you along. And if you didn’t, don’t put anything down in writing until the evening.

Tuesday 4/7

  • Watch out for arguments or sharp elbows around lunchtime. You won’t like being provoked, so preempt an altercation by biting your own tongue. Draft your venom in an email and don’t hit send until nighttime.

Wednesday 4/8

  • Not an eventful day. Wouldn’t be surprised if everyone just stayed in.

  • Also, the moon is void of course until it enters Scorpio at 4:17 p.m. Just to reinforce that this is a nothing day.

Thursday 4/9

  • Also kind of a nothing day, which is fine. I hope to spend it staring out of my window in a bathrobe contemplating the inner lives of rare, colorful birds. 🦜

Friday 4/10

  • A sparkling, glorious day. ✨ The moon (our emotional center) is in harmonious aspects with the strong-willed sun, as well as all the outer planets: creative Neptune, generous Jupiter, intense Pluto, and effective Saturn. This is a day to get in touch with your long-term plans and take at least one step forward. Even if that plan is: “be happy,” and the step is: “go for a long walk.” You’ll think of something brilliant on that walk. Even if that thought is: “hey, I think too much.”

  • Oh, Mercury enters Aries. Prepare for more decisive, sharp, biting thoughts and words from you and others. We’re about to cut through a lot of bullshit, and it may make us cry from time to time.

Saturday 4/11

  • Pluto and Saturn are in each other’s favor, which means that hard work may be the key to our collective healing. That’s generally true, and will be true for a while, as those planets are slow moving, but it’s especially resonant today.

Sunday 4/12

  • Moon is void of course pretty much all day until it enters Capricorn at 8:05 p.m. Maybe that means a lazy Sunday, hopefully free of scaries. Maybe you’ll go out to brunch with your friends! 🥞 But the pressure is off for you to be “on,” and that may feel very nice.

That actually helped me forget about our collective nightmare. Thank you. 💖

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