I don't believe in astrology - August 13, 2018
Hello and welcome
A lot of you are new and found me from the Vulture piece I wrote about stand-up comedians in every sign. Welcome!
This is a newsletter about astrology that usually goes like this: I talk about some concept I've been thinking about, or that readers are asking for clarity on, and I tend to undermine whatever points I'm making by mentioning that astrology isn't real a bunch of times. As soon as that gets played out, I talk about some event coming up (usually a new or full moon) and what it means broadly. And the whole thing kind of has quotes around it because I'm saying this isn't real but I definitely believe in it. Then I tell you when the moon is void of course for the next two weeks (times to avoid starting anything new but great for cleaning). Then I give horoscopes and usually end by plugging something I love or something I wrote.
What are houses, part 2?
Last issue I tried to explain what houses were since they are a huge part of horoscopes. And I blew it. People seemed more confused than they were before.
I know where I fumbled. This is a visual thing, and I tried to use words. Like a Gemini.
I barely know what a picture is, but see below for my chart, and let's try again.
That is my real, true birth chart (and my real true birth name, Alexandra). Do you see the spokes on this wheel? If you count clockwise starting from the AC line (it says AC, and it means ascendant, the cusp of your first house, the sign of which is your rising sign), you'll find 12 spokes. Those are the cusps of the houses, and they each represent a domain in your life.
Here are some better pictures, badly annotated.
I won't repeat the full summaries of each house (check out my last newsletter for that), but essentially they are as follows:
First house: You, your body, your personal space, how you come off
Second house: Your possessions, your values, your income
Third house: How you communicate and think, your siblings, short trips, early education
Fourth house: Literal house, your domestic self, emotional interior, mother/father
Fifth house: Love, romance, affairs, creative output, children
Sixth house: Work, daily habits, physical health
Seventh house: Partnership, marriage, business relationships, open enemies
Eighth house: Partner's possessions, money gained through other sources besides direct income (winnings, taxes, commissions, etc.), sex/death instincts
Ninth house: Long trips/international travel, publishing, matters of the law/courts, ceremonies (like marriage), religion, higher education
Tenth house: Awards, publicity, reputation, honors, status in society, vocation
Eleventh house: Friends, networks, groups, organizations, hopes/dreams
Twelfth house: Vulnerabilities, self-deception, prisons/institutions, creative/dream vision, enemies you don't see coming
More about the actual zodiac wheel: This celestial circle is fixed in the sky and incorporates the whole solar system. Unlike astrology, which is probably not real (but, honestly, it might be...), the zodiac represents real mathematical points that are linked to the location of the constellations. That's why your time (to the minute) and place of birth determines your natal chart (the chart that is the blueprint for your whole life) -- because little baby you was at a particular angle to this wheel, with the planets populating it in a particular way from that angle. And they (the planets) bring their meaning with them, influencing the houses (parts of your life) where they sit. And that's how astrology tries to know things about you.
Everyone has all the houses, all the planets, and all the signs. You are not just your sun sign. You are everything. It's just a question of where and how.
But just as DNA represents potential and not destiny, so too with this. Two people can have the exact same chart and be very, very different. Is that because astrology is not real and this is all bullshit? Yes, a little. But also, no, because your chart was never meant to replace free will. It's just an arrangement of energy that is just vague enough where we can confirm and make sense of whatever ends up being true, and discard what's not. You can make it make sense, and that's what I do. Not because I'm a Gemini, but because I choose it. But then again, I didn't choose to be a Gemini, so here I am.
Virgo season, good
On August 23, the sun will leave the lions behind and enter the wheat-lined realm of our patron saint of virginity, the pure and humble Virgo. I am excited about this. Virgos and Virgo season doesn't get enough love, because Leo's hot sunny August days tend to consume the month.
The way I think of the transition of Leo to Virgo is this: Leos are like stars at the end of their careers. They are established. They are indulgent. Their work is not necessarily so high quality anymore because it doesn't need to be. Everything they do is valuable because it is they who do it. Everything gets made. Everything is worth expressing.
Virgos, on the other hand, are like stars before they made it. They are disciplined and scrappy. They struggle to perfect themselves. They have to prove they are good; they don't attract titles or accolades simply by showing up.
Virgos come to clean up the messy Leo. After we spend a month celebrating ourselves, the Virgo shows up to make sure we've earned it. They are mean, they are brilliant, they prepare us for fall, and they are one of my favorite signs.
Mercury going direct on August 19
You know what Mercury retrograde is. Even though we currently (as of this writing) are suffering from no fewer than 6 planets in retrograde, Mercury hurts the worst. It's close to us and its chaos affects all communication -- which means it can derail everything. But on Sunday at 12:25 a.m. (basically, Saturday night), he's coming back to normal, and I couldn't be happier.
Shadow periods: One quick note about retrogrades. The day that a planet stations direct is not the day things go back to normal (although you might actually feel a shift, and I certainly have). But because the planet was moving backwards (not in real life, but in astrology life), the retrograde influence is still in effect until it actually reaches the point where it was before it started moonwalking. It has to make up that journey before it is fully back to normal. That lasts about two weeks.
Mars retrograde is ending August 27, and I am so happy
I wrote a whole thing about how scary Mars retrograde is back in June, and, for me at least, it really delivered on its promise this summer. I am so excited that the planet of war is finally going to be using his powers for good, starting August 27 at 10:05 a.m., but won't be totally normal until October 8. But at least he'll be moving direct.
Prediction: The transition to fall is going to be the sharpest seasonal shift in a long, long time. I think we're going to snap into September and it's going to feel immediately different. And I am ready.
Moon void of course
The moon moves through signs more quickly than any other astrological body, because it's the smallest and the closest. The moon is so important, and that's why Cancers get to be our mothers. Mothers are usually in charge of us.
What I'm saying is, when the moon is finished with a sign, it encounters a period of time (that can last anywhere from a few minutes to a day long) where it makes no major aspect to any other body. This is when the moon is said to be void of course, and it's basically the lunar version of a retrograde. We know retrogrades call on us to put down our pencils and reflect on what's taken place, not plan for the future. We need to go back and proofread our lives because we definitely missed something and the universe (or at least the solar system?) is offering an opportunity for us to get it right.
In summary: during the following periods of the moon going void of course, try to avoid interviews, new projects, consequential conversations, etc. Do clean your house, look over old pieces of writing, re-read emails, meditate, nap, think about what you've done, and so on. But do what you have to do. If you can't reschedule an important phone call, and you don't want to have to explain to a prospective employer that, actually, you do believe in astrology (even if you might not), then definitely do what you got to do. It's doesn't matter.
All times are Eastern.
August 14: 12:37 a.m. to 12:57 a.m. (Hardly worth mentioning, but just in case you had something planned for those 10 minutes, here you go.)
August 16: 3:56 a.m. to 4:54 a.m. (Unless you're reading this on the other side of the world from North America -- which would be cool, and hi! -- probably not worth mentioning.)
August 18: 11:07 a.m. to 12:45 p.m.
August 20: 7:47 p.m. to 11:59 p.m.
August 23: 10:19 a.m. to 12:56 p.m.
August 25-26: 12:39 a.m. to 1:32 a.m. (Yes, that's all day on the 25th.)
Horoscopes for the rest of August
I'm cheating this week. Instead of my usual horoscopes, I'm linking to the weekly ones I wrote for PureWow, as well as the longer August ones to take you through the end of the month. This will tell you what's ahead most immediately, as well as how the following week (especially the full moon) will impact your sign.Actually, read for your rising sign. Astrologers can only guess where the planetary transits are hitting you if they assume your sun sign is also your rising. Your rising sign is the sign on the cusp of your ascendant, or your first house cusp, and see above for my beautiful visuals illustrating this. If you don't want to figure out your ascendant (which is done by hitting up astro.com, among others, and entering your exact time and location of birth), then read for your sun and hope that it'll be somewhat true. I guess there's a 1/12 chance it would be...
I am not planning on making a habit of this, but sometimes the body and the brain need to rest after a long stretch of procrastination.
Plugs and things I like
Vice/Broadly astrology columnist Annabel Gat just launched a podcast, Annabel Gat's Astrology Show that is very much worth checking out. She writes dailies, weeklies, and monthly horoscopes, and plenty of astrology analysis. I like her whole deal.
Please listen to my dear friend Paige Heimark's radio show on KPISS.FM, Page by Paige (great name). Full disclosure, I was on a recent episode talking about astrology, but listen to anything because Paige is an intelligent and charismatic radio host and every conversation she has is a good one.
I wrote imagined taglines for the Real Housewives of the Zodiac, and I am very proud that I did.
This Wednesday, August 15, at 8 p.m., you can catch me giving astrology monologues (whatever that may be) at the PIT Loft (154 West 29th Street, NYC) at The Ascendants, an astrology-themed improv show hosted by the very funny Rebecca Acevedo (a Libra) and Rico Screpka (a Cancer).
Thank you for reading. If you like this newsletter, please tell others about it. Meanwhile, you can find me writing about astrology for PureWow and on Twitter and Medium @alexkiki. Love you.