In like a lion, out like a virgin

Touched for the very first time 😇

Virgo season is (almost) here!

And the angels shall sing and the heavens will break open and we will be made pure once again! 🌼🌷🔆

Sarcastic Hermione Granger GIF

But not until Friday the 23rd. The lions have us for a few more days. 🦁

I love Virgos. Some of my best friends are Virgos. As a Gemini, I see them as fellow citizens of Mercury. Super smart, and completely beset by the anxiety that often comes with that intelligence.

But we are not the same. Where Geminis are scattershot, Virgos are precise. We are loquacious, and they are pithy. We care about getting it out there, and they care about getting it right. We are curious about data and they are overwhelmed by it.

For a Virgo, perfection is not impossible but infinite. They can see it so clearly, and they’re so cranky that no one else can.

why is no one ready meryl streep GIF

As we transition away from the era of lions to that of virgins, I wanted to focus not on their differences, but on what they share. The signs exist on a continuum, and when we move from one to the next, they leave their influence behind.

  • Proud (in different ways, of different things).

  • Will sacrifice their dignity for a reason (Leo for self-expression and their TRUTH, Virgo for the good of the job or a productive outcome).

  • Up on their high horse.

  • Both get hurt a lot. Leos may be proud and self-obsessed, but they are the sign of love itself. And love doesn’t happen without risking the heart, which means they open themselves up to the deepest cuts. And Virgos, though less romantic, sacrifice their bodies (and their sanity!) for whatever higher purpose they are serving.

In summary, Virgo season is the time to pay for all the indulgences of Leo season. You can strut if you can back it up, and Leo already strutted so now we have no choice but to back it up. In a sane world we would do this the other way around, but we're humans, and humans don't learn, and that's why we have cycles of drama instead of a straight line of progress.


Horoscopes for this very week

All times are Eastern, and for some reason, that makes me feel very exclusionary. I hate that if you live in another part of the world you have to translate these out. Ugh. I mean I’m not going to list out every possible time zone… although maybe I should? I have to think on it. Maybe my conscience will quiet down next week.

Monday 8/19:

  • It’s funny to write a horoscope when the day is half over, but the moon is in Aries, and so far I am feeling that. I woke up with ~250 ideas and tried to rush them all out of my head onto an email draft, but I kept thinking of new ones, so some are lost to me forever.

  • At 5:56 p.m., there’s a tough aspect between the moon and Saturn, which usually stresses us out about work we haven’t done or authority figures we don’t feel like bowing down to. Personally, I’ll take it to mean I won’t be leaving work right at 6 p.m.

  • Two minutes later, the moon and Jupiter are in good standing! Jupiter is good luck and getting out of conflicts with ease—so maybe I will be getting out of work on time! 😍

Tuesday 8/20:

  • At 4:33 p.m., I wouldn’t have an emotional conversation, or even any conversation. Because it might turn emotional. The moon is opposing Mercury, so misunderstands and hurt feelings and struggles to communicate are a given. Oppositions are tough aspects that usually incorporate other people, so you can kind of escape them (or at least deal with the struggle internally) if you literally talk to no one.

Wednesday 8/21:

  • Moon is in Taurus, which is stabilizing and harmonious and peaceful. Good.

  • A wonderful day! Too many good aspects to list, but here are just a few of the cast and crew working on your behalf today: Venus (love and money), Mars (energy and motivation), Mercury (communication and transportation), Jupiter (gifts and good luck), Uranus (originality and brilliance). This is an impressive roster of personalities to be getting along! There is nothing I wouldn’t do on this day.

  • Mercury and Jupiter are making sweet sweet love at 6:05 p.m., so if you were planning on scheduling an important conversation with someone you wanted to go extremely well, I would make it as close to this time as possible. Same for dates or outings or anything social.

  • Notable: Venus moves into Virgo, which is an invitation to fall in love with REALITY and hard work. I’m only a little bit kidding. Venus in Virgo finds satisfaction in details, fidelity, appreciating the little things, acts of service, and complaining—so if you’re paired up, keep it small, thoughtful, and USEFUL. If you’re not, you may find yourself delighted by practical, small gestures and people you can get together and BITCH with. 😈

Thursday 8/22:

  • Basically a fabulous day.

  • Great morning to get work done early with pleasantries exchanged between the moon and Saturn, your boss, at 4:57 a.m.

  • But later that morning it’s going to be tough to say what you want to say (or hear others saying what they want to say) with the moon and Mercury not getting along at 9:22 a.m.

  • Ooh, but then things get creative with the moon and Neptune in cahoots at 11:23 a.m., inspiring you to greater ambitions and quality artistic output. I have to make a note to write something then.

  • Finally, at 5:32 p.m., the moon and Pluto are very much friends at 5:32 p.m., which is like your deeper inner child getting long with your EVEN DEEPER inner adult. If you wanted to make an impact (either by giving advice to a friend or advocating for yourself at work), this is the right astrological blueprint for that kind of move.

Friday 8/23:

  • HAPPY VIRGO SEASON—it’s a grumpy ass day! 🌾 The moon is fighting with the sun (10:56 a.m.), Venus (4:17 p.m.), and Mars (5:19 p.m.), which is an all-day buffet of interpersonal conflict, romantic conflict, GENDER-based conflict. It’s going to be sharp and bitchy, and I’m seriously going to try to hold my tongue. But Virgo is a verbal sign, and I just… I don’t know. Whenever I don’t know how I’m going to approach a difficult day on the horizon, I try to let the prevailing astrological themes guide me. For Virgo, it’s not just about hard work (which, for me, tends to exist online via typing fingers), but about labor. It’s about the physical routines that keep us ALIVE. We can be brilliant, but we still need to shit. And eat. We all need to drink water. If I take care of the little things, I may be spared the vivisecting cruelty of the day. Or at least, I’ll be so strong that I may bear them. Virgo is all about preventative medicine—no spoonful of sugar necessary.

Saturday 8/24:

  • Mixed bag, this day is. The moon is in dualistic Gemini, so expect big swings.

  • Venus and Mars are joining up at 1:04 p.m., which is excellent for romance, SEX, fertility, chemistry, and I’m already jealous of anyone who is capitalizing on this aspect. I will not be having afternoon sex with anyone—but then again, it’s only Monday, so I don’t know for sure! This aspect is full of surprise and passion.

  • But speaking of getting lucky, Jupiter is opposing the moon at 1:53 p.m. Well well well—how our fortunes can change in an hour’s time. Jupiter punishes us when we’re too arrogant and lazy, so we may get called out on any bluffs we’re putting out there. You can either: 1) stop bullshitting altogether (unlikely, but a worthy aim), or 2) own up to it right away when you’re caught.

  • As if to reinforce the point, the moon is also squaring Neptune later that evening at 7:18 p.m. When Neptune is being challenged, it’s a lesson in hard reality vs. dreams, and we have to confront unrealistic expectations and remove the rosy goggles. We HAVE to! But it hurts, because Neptune, when all is well, powers our imagination and ability to make meaning out of this one little life we get. Neptune is drugs. Neptune is religion. Neptune is dopamine. And we need those things. But sometimes we’re asked to turn off the soap opera in our heads because we’ve gotten carried away. Again.

Sunday 8/25:

  • Nice relaxed day. Moon is cool with Mercury and the sun, which puts your ego, emotions, and mind all in harmonious balance. I kind of don’t believe that, because I personally have a lot of work to do and I expect a particular scary Sunday scaries, but, hey, maybe astrology is real after all. ☮