The Virgos are here 🌾
And they're already complaining
Two things that probably bother Virgos
In honor of Virgo season, which begins today, I wanted to complain. Twice.
The phrase “global pandemic”: This is redundant. The word “pandemic” already implies a global scale. Otherwise it’d just be an epidemic.
It sounds good, I get it. The extra “global” adds heft and geography to a horrendous tragedy that deserves all the italics and bolding we can possibly lend it. But… it’s an unnecessary modifier, and I notice every time someone says it, especially if they are speaking from a lofty perch. And the loftiest of all, perhaps, was Michelle Obama at the DNC.
(She says it at minute 3:55, and technically she’s not talking about the coronavirus, but what Ebola could have been without her husband’s policies in place. Still.)
The reality of a global pandemic: Of course this pisses off Virgos (and everyone) the most! 🤮
Now for your regularly scheduled weekly horoscopes
All times, as always, are Eastern.
Sunday 8/23
My Virgo sister’s birthday today!
No major aspects—just a rich, intense, lovely Scorpio moon.
I would be remiss not to point out that today is a Virgo sun and Scorpio moon—just like Beyonce.
Monday 8/24
The Scorpio moon is sweetly intense, making love to Venus in the morning, Jupiter at lunch, Neptune in the afternoon, and Pluto in the evening. This is a glittering day for every part of you—personal, professional, political, artistic, social, cosmic. Do whatever you want. Or as much as this Monday will allow!
Oh, one thing. Mars is squaring Saturn at 2:20 p.m. ET, so that might throw some sand in your eyes if you’re interacting with authority figures. Anything with the power to oppress you—ugh, this whole society—will make you angry and then have the nerve to not react well to your anger. Avoid any hint of combat until at least Tuesday, if you can. Punch a pillow though, for sure. One that can take it.
Tuesday 8/25
A Sagittarius moon, bringing out the wandering instincts in all of us.
Mercury and Uranus, who are really progressions of each other, are perfectly happy together at 11:17 a.m. You will be adept at quickly translating sudden insights into compelling arguments. In other words, you’re Elle Woods.
Wait. Fuck. Okay, so problem #1: the moon squares the sun at 1:58 p.m., which is like a full moon, only pettier. Full moons are oppositions that culminate building tensions, sometimes releasing them with violence and conflict. But squares are just… agita. Massive irritations. Dissonance. It brings out the finicky asshole in us all. But at least this aspect will pass quickly, since the moon moves fast. So one cranky lunch, and you’re done.
But you’re not done. I cannot believe I thought this was going to be a good day. There’s problem #2, and it’s bigger. Venus opposes Jupiter at 6:26 p.m., which is love and luck at odds with each other in a big way. Venus is our ability to be charming, beautiful, and diplomatic. It’s the smaller benefic, a planet that brings good news and better gifts. The problem is that it’s directly confronting Jupiter, the larger benefic, Santa Claus, who enables us to do things and inspire others with half the effort it really requires. Jupiter is beginner’s luck, the kiss o’ the Irish—a knife when you actually need a knife!
My point is, this is bad time to get a new haircut or plan a new venture with a friend or go on a sexy walk with someone. Ugh.
Wednesday 8/26
A fine day, just watch out for a little disconnect between dreams and reality around 7:44 p.m. when the moon and Neptune square off. Don’t believe everything you believe…
Thursday 8/27
The moon is void of course—out of commission, basically—from 8 a.m. to 1:37 p.m. Starting any new projects? Interviews? Kick-offs? Not if you can avoid it.
But a glorious day nonetheless! The moon is in perfect harmony with Mars and the sun, which give us energy and life (the sun, literally). So be expressive, be physical, and joyfully inhabit your body.
Friday 8/28
The moon is in Capricorn, and it’s getting along with electric Uranus, loquacious Mercury, and cheery Jupiter. Another day to be brilliant and articulate your insights. Take notes on everything you think and pitch it to The New York Times on Monday.
