You're a virgin who CAN drive

Virgo will drag you but also empower you 😮🚙

Virgo new moon on August 30 🌾🌕

The only thing better than a new moon is a Friday new moon! 🎉🍾 But this one is in Virgo, so it’s not exactly a SUMMER Friday…

david rose #funny GIF by Schitt's Creek

New moons (as you may know) are the beginning of the lunar cycle. They occur when the sun and the moon meet up at the same degree within a sign (a conjunction). During a new moon, the night sky is a dark, blank page upon which we will write the themes that guide us for the month. Our wills (the sun) and our hearts (the moon) are completely aligned, so it’s the perfect time to make plans, goals, and intentions. It’s about beginnings, not endings, and the whole thing is usually a hopeful affair.

alexis rose GIF by Schitt's Creek

In this case, it’s imbued with the grit and humility of Virgo. My Virgo sister explained to me at her birthday lunch last week that what drives her people is to get the work done so that they can feel good about enjoying ourselves. Virgos want to party, she insisted, but they can’t do it when we have a to-do list hanging over their heads.

I then tried to explain to her the Geminian model of procrastination, and eventually she interrupted me to let me know that I was in danger of missing the window to secretly communicate to our server that it was her birthday so that she could be “surprised” with a candle in her cake. If she hadn’t reminded me, it wouldn’t have gotten done. Virgos don’t just have your back, they have their own back in case you forgot.

pop tv GIF by Schitt's Creek

This Virgo moon isn’t like other Virgo moons (it’s cool moon), because this one is conjunct Venus and Mars as well. That means that the following celestial bodies, and all their attendant astrological power (which may be none, because astrology is PROBABLY not real), are clustering in early Virgo:

  • Sun

  • Moon

  • Venus

  • Mars

That’s a lot of energy concentrated in tough little Virgo. Venus and Mars in cahoots is exactly as sexy as it sounds, and this lunation could bring romantic overtones. Or you might just feel smitten with yourself as you tick off chores like a machine. Since the sun entered Virgo, I have been CRUISING through my to-dos, and I feel like I may finish them once and for all (even though you can’t, that’s impossible). Seriously, I’m going to finally get a bleach pen for my dirty whites (which is EXTRA Virgo, now that I see it in black and white), and I’m going to roll over my 401(k). And I’m going to hang up a piece of art that’s been sitting in my kitchen since May. This is what an empowered Virgo season is. Behold; it is glorious.

Eugene Levy Dance GIF by Schitt's Creek

A comedic diversion

You may know that I occasionally write humor pieces, and if you don’t, I solemnly promise to brag about it more.

Anyway, my writing partner Ysabel and I put pen to paper on this delicious little number for the New Yorker, and I think it’s the funniest thing I will ever write.

The All-Natural Ingredients in Our Disgusting Skincare Line

Horoscopes for this wild week ahead

Heads up: Uranus in Taurus is making a LOT of aspects to planets this week. Uranus brings turbulence, shocking developments, and new ideas (sometimes borne out of necessity). It’s not always fun but it is always interesting…

As usual, this newsletter lives in New York, so all time zones are of the Eastern persuasion.

Monday 8/26

  • The moon—and therefore our emotions—is feeling very friendly and collegial toward Mars, Venus, and Uranus all before 6 a.m. Mars and Venus represent interpersonal sparks, so this is a very good time to interact with someone you love or want (but don’t necessarily need 😈). Uranus is an eccentric genius coming up with new inventions—so this may inspire some weird conversations or sudden changes in thoughts, moods, and dynamics. (I’ve already had some weird conversations this morning… 🤯)

  • Venus and Uranus are happy together at 11:37 a.m., which brings us the friendliest sides of both: Venus giving us harmony and acceptance, and Uranus letting us be total originals. Great time for any creative problem-solving or art-making or introductions to new friends.

  • The moon is opposed to taskmaster Saturn at 5:45 p.m., so you may THINK your day is over but be forced to retrace your steps or take care of one more errand. And it will be frustrating, even when you see it coming.

Tuesday 8/27

  • The moon is opposing Pluto at 4:55 a.m., which I don’t care for. I know it’s early, but oppositions are ugly, and moon vs. Pluto are two very emotional, high-maintenance celestial objects that together can stir up some shit. Oppositions usually involve other people, so beware the early morning email or late-night text. You can’t help receiving one, but you can stop yourself from sending. Luckily, the moon is fast-moving and should get out of Pluto’s way quickly.

  • Blissfully, the moon conks out (goes void of course, its version of retrograde) until 7:53 p.m., so the day may be more about finishing up Monday’s demands than starting new ones.

Wednesday 8/28

  • The moon gets testy with eccentric Uranus at 6:29 a.m., but then immediately after Mars takes Uranus’ side 20 minutes later at 6:51 a.m. The second of these is much more important, because the moon is moody but gets over things quickly. But the union of Mars and Uranus is a powerful one for moving forward on something bold, new, and exciting. Depending on where this lands, you could hear back from a job interview, get test results, get a new car, etc. The only thing I’d caution against is scheduling surgery or a haircut or going shooting at this time. I have no idea who is doing any of those things at 6 in the morning, but Mars does rule over sharp instruments and objects of war, and Uranus is all about unpredictability and surprises. Even when the two planets are getting along—you don’t really want to mix surprise and violence.

  • In between those two events, the moon and Jupiter are fully flirting in public at 8:07 p.m., which blesses you with some joy and good fortune in everything you’re already doing.

Thursday 8/29

  • Fantastic day. 🌻

  • Mercury moves into VIRGO at 3:48 a.m, and then joins up with the moon at 10:22 p.m. Mercury is the natural ruler of Virgo, so it’s very at home in the sign. For all of us, it’ll make us snappier and smarter communicators. Virgo has no problem killing your darlings.

  • At 8:07 p.m., the sun and Uranus are thrilled with each other, so expect to build on the week’s theme of surprises (mostly good ones!) and new directions. Uranus always wants you to look forward and has no time for sentimentality. The future may not actually be bright but Uranus wants you to at least entertain the possibility that it might be, and then proceed accordingly.

Friday 8/30

  • OMG the new moon in Virgo. 😇

  • At 6:14 p.m. you have Saturn and the moon getting along, bringing recognition and rewards for all your hard work. (The reward should be better than simply the weekend which was coming either way…)

  • But then the moon is not on good terms with Jupiter, our bounty and good luck (7:39 p.m.) and then Neptune, our imagination and glamour (11:36 p.m.). It’s interesting, because what Jupiter and Neptune share is a tilt toward the unrealistic. In Jupiter’s case, it’s optimism above all else. With Neptune, it’s an dreamy, druggy fog to deliver us from the pain of being alive. They are beautiful, necessary, inspiring planetary forces, but at their worst, they are both full of shit. You’re not buying any of it tonight. Or at least you shouldn’t be—so stay sharp. Not all skepticism is cynicism.

Saturday 8/31

  • Nice aspect between the moon and powerful Pluto at 4:46 a.m. Should lend an air of stability and gravitas to the whole day. Good time to think about deeper wants. Nothing shallow today.

  • Great day to work on projects in progress. The moon is void of course (its version of retrograde) from 4:46 a.m. to 7:08 p.m., which means new plans will stall but anything already in motion will want to stay in motion.

Sunday 9/1

  • Bunny bunny! 🐰🐰 I’ll leave this one for the next letter because it’s Virgo season and I want a clean ending for the month!