Horoscopes and a correction 😯

First time ever admitting a mistake. It was cool!

The horoscopes part of the newsletter (aka why you are here) ✨

A lot of things this week—new moon in Leo, Mercury moves into Virgo, VIRGO SEASON DAWNS. All times are Eastern, baby.

Monday 8/17

Tuesday 8/18

  • New fucking moon in Leo! Peaking at 10:42 p.m. so the whole day is gravy baby!

  • New moons are GOOD fun, imbuing us with hope for the month ahead. Leo is a particularly joyful and optimistic sign for the moon and sun to be hanging out in, and it should invite some genuine pleasure into our lives. I know that’s hard to imagine, because we’re in this timeline, but I don’t know, you might feel really good.

  • Make 10 wishes! Write them down. Don’t do it before 10:42 p.m.—let the new moon actually happen, and then be off with your quill.

  • This moon is extra sugary because Venus and Uranus are friendly (beauty and originality?!), as are the moon and Mars. This is a HOT day for a Tuesday.

Hottest GIFs of Wet Women in Water

Wednesday 8/19

Thursday 8/20

  • Truly a good, solid, salt-of-the-earth kind of day… except for one little aspect.

  • The moon opposes dreamy Neptune at 1:16 p.m., which I’m not necessarily worried about for me, because I literally have no dreams in my life right now. But it might be a concern if you are:

    1. In love with someone and not sure if they love you back,

    2. Pitching something big,

    3. Trying to convince someone of anything,

    4. Trying not to be convinced of something,

    5. Addicted to something.

    Sorry to be glib, because these are problems of widely variant severity, although I guess it all depends, and I just want to cover ground even though I don’t know your life. Neptune deceives us, and the moon is our emotions fighting with whatever image we’re being sold. That fight doesn’t mean the moon is seeing through it, though. It could be that Neptune is the pacifying force that neutralizes our healthy skepticism and makes us suckers. It’s not our fault. It’s not your fault. Neptune is the force that enables us to manifest visions from beyond reality. We need that. But we also need reality, and bad Neptune aspects can encourage escapist behavior and denial.

  • I had a bad Neptune transit once. It was someone I was seeing, and it was obviously causing me a lot of pain and disruption. I saw the planet right there in my fifth house of dating. And yet I didn’t think it applied to him. I was basically emotionally bleeding out, staring at the wound, and saying, “Hm, I feel lightheaded; I wonder what that could be?” Not only did I know what Neptune transits could bring, I also knew that Neptune quells your suspicion of Neptune. I was a completely informed person, and it didn’t save me. I mean, I’m fine now. But that’s the power of Neptune. It’s soft power. It doesn’t squash dissent by hitting you over the head—it hypnotizes you into laying down your defenses.

  • But oppositions are struggles, and they are usually with someone else. I’d just be careful whom you speak to during the hour around this one.

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Friday 8/21

Saturday 8/22

  • VIRGO SEASON! Grab your No. 2 pencils and your “same amount of hours in a day as Beyonce,” and get to work!

  • Virgos are about work, but it’s more than that. They are the mutable sign that deals with reality. They deal with literal matter—bodies and couches and dirt—and they deal with things that matter. They are alive, baby! And as such, they can be alarmingly talented escape artists, partying too late with too many influences and seemingly no responsibilities. But that’s because they are smarter than you and know what secretly needs to be done. They are not about “hygiene theater”—and they won’t hesitate to condemn it as a counterproductive waste of energy. They do their duty; no more, no less. And they expect you to do yours.

  • Virgos are lifelong friends, quick-witted, never boring, actually sexy when they want to be, wonderfully nerdy, too anxious to deal with, upstanding but not idealistic, and they will never, ever, ever tell you something tired and treacly just because you want to hear it. And ultimately that’s for your own good, too!

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Sunday 8/23

🚨 Baby’s first correction 🚨

In the last issue of this letter, I homaged Taylor Swift’s sweet new album, folklore, by assigning each of the signs a lyric. One of my best ideas! But I hemmed and hawed over Leo, which was critical for two reasons:

  1. It’s currently Leo season,

  2. Karlie Kloss is a Leo!

Karlie is important because, for those who don’t know, she is a famous model with a major coding hobby who was Taylor’s BFF until she absolutely wasn’t anymore. Many think the two tall blondes had a romantic entanglement, and that many songs on folklore—and indeed, the entire cottagecore, plaintive aesthetic of it—is about their love. I am one of these people, if only because I simply want it to be true. I mean, look at this video and tell me these giggly babes are not sexually and emotionally into each other.

Anyway, I wanted so badly to get Leo right that I got it wrong. Here’s what I wrote last week:


Before I learned civility /
I used to scream ferociously /
Any time I wanted

…from seven

Now, that’s fine, and it’s not untrue of Leos or anything, but it wasn’t my first instinct, and it didn’t feel like the most compelling choice upon hitting send. So here was my original pick, and the right one:

Leo (the remix)

Flew in all her Bitch Pack friends from the city /
Filled the pool with champagne and swam with the big names /
And blew through the money on the boys and the ballet

…from last great american dynasty

Yeah, that’s better. This has the elements I really want to highlight—Leos traveling in packs (prides, I suppose), being extra large with the parties, and dropping too much cash for a good time. I love this season, and I love you, lions.

This editorial fumble has allowed me to give you even more limelight and attention, so I bet there is not a single Leo who is mad about being the subject of this newsletter’s first correction. 🦁👑