St. Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is the most Aquarius holiday, as long as you’re willing to expand your conceptions of romance beyond provincial norms.
Aquarius is a cerebral sign. It rules our brains and the bioelectricity that powers it. The sign represents the cold depths of outer space, which is how far we need to go sometimes to peacefully coexist with the universe. It's Rick making love to a collective. It’s Pippin in the finale outgrowing the need for treacly musical accompaniment. It’s nouveau-romantic. It’s political and equal and plural.
The real powerful principle that Aquarius energy teaches us all is, how can I make my friendships more romantic, and my romances more friendly?
Leave it to an eloquent Gemini to put such a button on it. Aquariusness is about higher love (GOOD song, by the way), which exists in conversation with and in the context of all our relationships—and our capacity to relate to other beings at all. It calls on us to take responsibility for the COLLECTIVE love available in our society, and to care for one another from the top of our intelligence.
Valentine’s Day is the most wonderful time of the year because it invites a reimagination of love. For couples, it seems like a just-okay holiday, because it can be staid and obligatory. But as a single person, it’s better than a birthday. Each year, I take this holy day to celebrate everything and everyone I value with NO compromises, like a peaceful, transcendent god. In the middle of winter, it's nice to be alone, quiet, and ruthless about pursuing your own happiness.
No offense to anyone’s rituals—because this is all about doing whatever YOU love—but for me, I don’t do Galentine’s Day or anything conciliatory meant to soothe the sting of being romantically unattached. Being alone is the point.
Here’s a rough itinerary for Valentine’s Day, though not necessarily everything I will do today:
If it’s a business day, I take the day off work. Since it’s Sunday this year, it’s moot, but not having work is the SINGLE most important condition for a proper Valentine’s Day. I have to underline two things:
It’s a privilege to be able to take off work.
It should not be. There are things none of us really ever need—a big-ass decorative bow in the middle of our house, Heather Dubrow—but the ability to take time off, rest, and do what we will is essential to being human. And it’s essential to Valentine’s Day.
I text my friends and family to tell them how much I love them.
I get up early and go for a walk in a park.1
I go to a spa.
I have a matcha or two.2
I read a book instead of a screen.3
I jerk off.
I scrap all of these plans and nap if I want to.
I dress up in my favorite clothes.
I buy myself a treat.
I do NOT go to dinner, that is boring. I make myself spaghetti at home instead.
I usually take myself to the ballet, but in COVID times, maybe I’ll just watch Black Swan or Center Stage instead.
The Aquarius new moon occurred last Thursday, a week for which I did not write horoscopes, so I thought maybe I’d write one now and compare it to what actually happened that day.
Here’s the horoscope:
OMG a new moon in Aquarius!
New moons are the real beginning of the month, shifting the mood for the next 30 days. They are opportunities for new beginnings, and I recommend writing down 10 wishes right after it appears at 2:06 p.m.
This lunation is especially auspicious because of a 10 a.m. conjunction between Venus and Jupiter. Known as the benefics (lesser and greater, respectively), Venus and Jupiter confer love, money, favor, and opportunities onto us. When they sit together like this, we get the best of both—Venus’ elegance and luxury, and Jupiter’s bounty and beginner’s luck. Lovely today to buy a lottery ticket, connect with friends and family and lovers, or even get a haircut.
The whole mood of Aquarius is one of moonshot progress and steadfast optimism. It governs not only our individual selves, but our society and institutions. This is one of the most hopeful moments of the entire year, and we should indulge the biggest dreams for progress we can envision, and take steps to move that vision forward.
Here’s what happened:
I went to work.
It was pretty busy.
10 a.m. was particularly normal and uneventful.
I wrote down no wishes.
I didn’t get a haircut.
I didn’t do anything for my country.
I thought only of myself.
I went to bed kind of early.
I felt nothing.
This is the “I don’t believe in astrology” part of the I don’t believe in astrology newsletter.
Now here’s what’s coming up this week. All times are, of course, EST because I live (laugh, love) in New York.
Valentine’s Day. A perfect holiday.
It’s also delicious from an astrology perspective. Moon is in Aries (meow) as of 10:54 a.m., which is hot and active and physical. No matter what you are feeling—bitter, revengey, romantical, jealous, adorable, sexy, cozy4—it will come through with precision and clarity. This is not a confusing day, and it will be obvious to you and anyone around you (should you choose to celebrate the holiday with others) what you want and how to be happy.
At 4:40 p.m., Mercury and Jupiter will meet up, creating the perfect conditions to spill your guts to someone or some computer. Jupiter magnifies everything, pinches your bottom, and gives you good luck, and Mercury has the words for everything we want to say. Be talkative, gossip, email me secrets.
Feels so rude to come down from St. Valentine’s Day with a Monday, but fine.
Such a nice Monday it is, however. The moon is in harmony with Saturn, Mercury, Jupiter, and Venus—that’s almost everyone. It’s a great day to do anything, but especially something productive, work-related, or money-generating. In every sense of the word, this is a day to INVEST.
There’s a tricky aspect between the moon and Pluto at 1:32 p.m., so tip-toe around any lunchtime meetings. Keep your ego in check. No one is trying to take you down, and even if they were, doesn’t that seem a little silly of them? Leave the bait right where it is—but snapshot receipts if you need them for later.
My calendar is telling me this is Mardi Gras, but I feel like that is so many holidays in a row. Valentine’s Day, Presidents’ Day, Mardi Gras, which means Ash Wednesday is coming up…
Jesus Christ, it is Ash Wednesday! This is the most holidays in a row, I’m calling it.
It’s a tricky day. Saturn is squaring Uranus at 2:08 p.m., an aspect that you will feel all day. That’s the tension between progress and tradition, and it may feel like you’re trying to fly with heels buried in cement. Squares knock us off balance, which puts us in a defensive crouch—not the best position from which to make your case. Regroup in private, and then reemerge in resplendence.
The sun enters Pisces!
Let us embrace one of the most emotionally turbulent, spiritually engaging, transformative seasons, and the astrological end of the year. This day is one that will energize your imagination and creativity, so do let yourself be carried away on the momentum.
Except for one thing: the moon and Venus are squaring at 6:21 p.m., so don’t buy anything, and don’t BUY INTO anything. At least not until you’ve done more due diligence, which will take longer than a day.
What an annoying day.
First the moon and sun are squabbling at 1:47 p.m., which creates an aura of irritability. Everyone will probably be kind of an asshole today.
At 6:04 p.m., I would not speak to a lover, collaborator, or even a person. Venus and Mars are squaring, which means PETTY arguments, misunderstandings, and jealousy. The one-upping will be embarrassing for everyone involved, so take a beat before (over-)reacting. And if you don’t, make a plan to forgive yourself (but not the other person).
Mercury goes direct!
And the Gemini moon is making SPLENDID aspects to Saturn, Mercury, and Jupiter.
This is a lively day for discourse, socializing, and rolling with the chaos that occurs on the bookends of Mercury retrograde. Technically, you’re in the clear—but not really, because the slip-ups and snafus are so much worse on the days that Mercury stations retrograde and direct. Then you have a two-week shadow period where Mercury has to catch up before it returns to full strength.
But with this day, with these aspects, and because it’s Saturday, who cares? Just party and do whatever you want. If you want to launch a new venture, reach out to someone you’ve been biting your fingers over, sign up for a class—just do it. You have other planetary entities on your side, and Mercury is about to be in your favor. Count your chickens; they’re going to hatch.
The moon is void of course until 10:53 p.m., so not a day for decisions. Don’t start your taxes today, but if you had already started, then keep going.
There’s a sweet aspect between the moon and Venus at 1:39 p.m., so if you had, I don’t know, a date, or a date with yourself, or plans to do something pleasant and low-key—go get it.
Just in case I’m too lazy to write next week, I want close by saying that on Wednesday, February 24, especially at 8:52 p.m. EST but also all day, you should have sex. If you want that and are able. Mars and Pluto are in LOVE at that time, and as they are the planets of deep animal and spiritual desires, I think it’s a fantastic time to get railed.
I already didn’t do this. I stayed in bed and wrote this newsletter instead.
Should be “in addition to.”
For me it was: horny.