The Valentine's Day Episode 💖

The only holiday that matters to me ❄

St. Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is the most Aquarius holiday, as long as you’re willing to expand your conceptions of romance beyond provincial norms.

Aquarius is a cerebral sign. It rules our brains and the bioelectricity that powers it. The sign represents the cold depths of outer space, which is how far we need to go sometimes to peacefully coexist with the universe. It's Rick making love to a collective. It’s Pippin in the finale outgrowing the need for treacly musical accompaniment. It’s nouveau-romantic. It’s political and equal and plural.

As astrologer Colin Bedell said in a clip I found on Instagram (slide 2):

The real powerful principle that Aquarius energy teaches us all is, how can I make my friendships more romantic, and my romances more friendly?

Leave it to an eloquent Gemini to put such a button on it. Aquariusness is about higher love (GOOD song, by the way), which exists in conversation with and in the context of all our relationships—and our capacity to relate to other beings at all. It calls on us to take responsibility for the COLLECTIVE love available in our society, and to care for one another from the top of our intelligence.

Valentine’s Day is the most wonderful time of the year because it invites a reimagination of love. For couples, it seems like a just-okay holiday, because it can be staid and obligatory. But as a single person, it’s better than a birthday. Each year, I take this holy day to celebrate everything and everyone I value with NO compromises, like a peaceful, transcendent god. In the middle of winter, it's nice to be alone, quiet, and ruthless about pursuing your own happiness.

No offense to anyone’s rituals—because this is all about doing whatever YOU love—but for me, I don’t do Galentine’s Day or anything conciliatory meant to soothe the sting of being romantically unattached. Being alone is the point.

Here’s a rough itinerary for Valentine’s Day, though not necessarily everything I will do today:

Backward-Looking Horoscopes

The Aquarius new moon occurred last Thursday, a week for which I did not write horoscopes, so I thought maybe I’d write one now and compare it to what actually happened that day.

Thursday 2.11

Here’s the horoscope:

  • OMG a new moon in Aquarius!

  • New moons are the real beginning of the month, shifting the mood for the next 30 days. They are opportunities for new beginnings, and I recommend writing down 10 wishes right after it appears at 2:06 p.m.

  • This lunation is especially auspicious because of a 10 a.m. conjunction between Venus and Jupiter. Known as the benefics (lesser and greater, respectively), Venus and Jupiter confer love, money, favor, and opportunities onto us. When they sit together like this, we get the best of both—Venus’ elegance and luxury, and Jupiter’s bounty and beginner’s luck. Lovely today to buy a lottery ticket, connect with friends and family and lovers, or even get a haircut.

  • The whole mood of Aquarius is one of moonshot progress and steadfast optimism. It governs not only our individual selves, but our society and institutions. This is one of the most hopeful moments of the entire year, and we should indulge the biggest dreams for progress we can envision, and take steps to move that vision forward.

Here’s what happened:

This is the “I don’t believe in astrology” part of the I don’t believe in astrology newsletter.

Forward-Looking Horoscopes

Now here’s what’s coming up this week. All times are, of course, EST because I live (laugh, love) in New York.

Sunday 2.14

  • Valentine’s Day. A perfect holiday.

  • It’s also delicious from an astrology perspective. Moon is in Aries (meow) as of 10:54 a.m., which is hot and active and physical. No matter what you are feeling—bitter, revengey, romantical, jealous, adorable, sexy, cozy4—it will come through with precision and clarity. This is not a confusing day, and it will be obvious to you and anyone around you (should you choose to celebrate the holiday with others) what you want and how to be happy.

  • At 4:40 p.m., Mercury and Jupiter will meet up, creating the perfect conditions to spill your guts to someone or some computer. Jupiter magnifies everything, pinches your bottom, and gives you good luck, and Mercury has the words for everything we want to say. Be talkative, gossip, email me secrets.

Monday 2.15

Tuesday 2.16

Wednesday 2.17

Thursday 2.18

Friday 2.19

Saturday 2.20

Sunday 2.21


Just in case I’m too lazy to write next week, I want close by saying that on Wednesday, February 24, especially at 8:52 p.m. EST but also all day, you should have sex. If you want that and are able. Mars and Pluto are in LOVE at that time, and as they are the planets of deep animal and spiritual desires, I think it’s a fantastic time to get railed.


I already didn’t do this. I stayed in bed and wrote this newsletter instead.


One down.


Should be “in addition to.”


For me it was: horny.